


who needs affection when I have blind hatred

by clarkeheda



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Additional Characters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe- Summer Holiday, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, Dave Goodkind hate account, F/F, Soulmates, Toni deserves a happy family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkeheda/pseuds/clarkeheda
Summary: “Don’t.” Shelby whispers it, isn’t sure that Toni would even hear her if it weren’t for the very heavy silence that’s fallen over them.“Don’t what?”“Don’t tell. Please. Please don’t tell anyone.”//This is a fic based on Cheaper by the Dozen 2, loosely, but enough.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 18
Kudos: 155





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time dedicating myself to a multi-chapter fic so here goes. Naturally I'm aiming for a dozen chapters ;)

Toni wasn’t feeling too excited about the summer trip to the lake. Her family hadn’t been for a few years since they all found themselves too busy to dedicate a month away during summer months. After a few years away without lake swimming and dumb dad rivalries she had hoped she would be filled with more excitement. After all, she was heading out there with her three best friends. She couldn’t wait to show her friends around and have some stereotypical summer fun before they all move away to different cities to study. But, that looming feeling, not knowing how she will feel once she gets there, who she will see once she gets there. It feels like a cloud too big to ignore.

Not that she would ever admit that to anyone. Not her friends, or her parents, not even her diary for fear of having to put how she feels into words. She could convince herself to be excited, to have fun, forget about the past and just have one last stress free summer with the people she cares most for. She keeps telling herself it will all be worth it, down the line when they all look back on this summer.

“Toni, will you please use your lesbian strength and help me get this bag in the car please.” Toni was too busy trapped in her own head to notice Martha breaking out in a sweat trying to shove her bags to the top of the pile in the boot of Toni's truck. Dot joined her at the back of the car with two bags of her own to cram in and tried to help Martha squeeze hers in. 

Toni joins the girls at the back of the truck to make extra room. “I appreciate being considered strong Martha but please dial it down on the mildly homophobic comments before my family join us.”

“God, you are so dramatic sometimes. Will you please hurry on making some room though? My arms are about to seize up trying to hold this above my head.”

“Why did you even bring a bag so big, Martha? It probably weighs more than me and you combined.” Dot was also getting visibly frustrated by the lack of room for Martha’s exceptionally large bag that she’s brought along with her. Especially since she is more than likely to spend the whole month in a swimsuit and pair of shorts.

“You won’t be complaining when there’s never a dull moment with plenty of card games and comfortable clothes.”

“Card games? Really, Martha.”

“Hey! Who doesn’t love UNO?” 

Leah joins them all round the back of Toni’s truck to egg Martha on. “Oh. I love UNO. I also brought a normal deck of cards. I can finally teach you guys how to play poker.”

“See I told you guys! Now please can someone take over holding the bag, my arms are about to break.” 

They all eventually get Martha’s bags in along with Dot’s. Toni would have been worried by the distinct lack of space in the rest of her car but thankfully her family were taking her dad’s car whilst the girl’s were taking Toni’s truck. She had begged her dad to let her take the truck as well. Without the opportunity to go somewhere without her parents watching over her, the summer was bound to drag. The truck was definitely her lifeline.

Once they were all happy with their road trip drinks, snacks, seating arrangement and playlist choice Toni headed back into the house to make sure everyone else was ready to leave. 

Her parents were struggling to wrestle Noah into his shoes whilst Jack and Billy were arguing about who got to sit in the boot seat of the car. Jack eventually wins the argument as he is the oldest. Billy complains that he can’t wait to be 12 years old as well so that he finally gets to sit in the coolest seat.

“You guys ready to head out?” Toni’s mom looks up at her with an exasperated expression on her face.

“We will be once I can get this little rascal dressed. Could someone help me, I’m really struggling now. Six year olds are like worms. I just can’t get a handle on him.” 

“Hey, Noah.” Toni held her brother by his side to finally keep him still and crouched in front of him. “The sooner we get in the car and head off, the sooner mom and dad will be able to get you a McDonalds.”

“Really? YAY!” Noah very quickly sat down on the bottom step and started squeezing his feet into his trainers. 

“Thank you for that, Toni. We weren’t planning on making that pitstop.” She flashed a grin towards her dad and stood back up making her way back to the front door. 

“We’re planning on getting food too so we’re going to set off. Can I take the keys so we don’t have to wait around when we get there?” Her dad hesitates to give her the keys, not wanting to yield that portion of control. He refuses to drop the keys in her hand until her mom joins them and insists that Toni should take them. Her mom has always had a soft spot for her only daughter and can hardly ever say no to her. 

She gives all of her family a quick goodbye and promises to see them in a few hours and runs back down to the car where her friends have waited. They seem to be in an argument about who gets first dibs on the hottest boys at the lake. Martha seems to be winning. 

“I have the keys!” They all scream in joy and climb into their respective seats in the truck. “Right, bitches. Where are we eating? Need to fuel up for the three hour drive.” 

No amount of food could settle the tight feeling in the pit of her stomach or the dread that has been building up inside since she agreed to spend a whole month at Lake Eden. 

//

Shelby Goodkind couldn’t be more excited to spend yet another endless summer at Lake Eden. Unlike a lot of the families that visit Lake Eden, Shelby’s family head there within the first week of summer. Shelby thinks it has to be her father and step mom’s fear of having her younger brothers let loose in the house that gets them down to the lake house so quickly. Shelby is just happy to have a long list of things that she can do to distract herself from her father constantly watching her every move. 

The summer starts off slowly since not many families head to the lake as early as theirs do. Two weeks into their summer, people are starting to flood in and the resort gets more crowded day by day. Shelby loves this part of the summer. The excitement of young children and the excitement older children try to hide. The relief on their parent’s faces once they’re settled in their little houses and can finally relax. 

She is especially excited about this summer because her friends are joining her and her family in their massive lake house. Although it isn’t a full two months at the lake with her best friends to keep her company, she’ll take a whole month with them. Especially since they never thought Fatin would get out of her rehearsal time, or Rachel would manage to find time out of the water to relax a little. But with enough pushing from Nora, and countless reminders that a lake is water too, she agreed.

So within the week, her three best friends would be joining her family at the lake house. Shelby just wished that her father would finally let her live a little. Especially since she is headed to university in the autumn. All she wants is one last summer making memories with Fatin, Rachel, and Nora. 

Family time over the past two weeks had been nice, but between how loved up her father and the new wife were acting, and her father’s occasional temper, she was ready for a distraction. Hopefully guests would dial that all down a bit.

//

As soon as Friday afternoon rolls around, Shelby spends hours out on the back decking with a book in her lap waiting anxiously for her friends to arrive. She manages to read a few chapters here and there but instead spends most of the time watching her brothers fight over jet skis and rope swings. She has a short conversation with her father, with a painted on smile, about the church service they would be attending on Sunday and how he expects her to be presenting herself. He tries to make out like this is in her best interests, but she knows that deep down he’s saving his own embarrassment if his daughter dares have a single hair out of place.

An hour after her father and Tara have left to meet some other parents in the resort centre for drinks she hears her brothers screaming at the top of their lungs from the other side of the house. She runs round to the back decking stretching out onto the lake and sees her brothers jumping up and down and shouting across the lake. 

“Hey! Adam! Gabriel! What are you guys shouting about?”

Gabriel, the younger of her two brothers, is the one to turn to her with a grin from ear to ear. “Look, Shelby! I can see Jack and Billy across the lake!” 

He turns back to the direction they were just waving and shouting and sure enough, she can see the Shalifoe’s across the lake unpacking their cars. She can’t make out much but Jack and Billy have noticed her brother’s successful attempt at getting their attention and they are running down their deck with a shorter boy she assumes must be Noah. 

She hasn’t seen any of the boys in three years now and they all seem to have grown so much. There’s no sign of Toni until a second car pulls up behind the first and a bunch of girls bundle out to join Kit and Louise and unpack the car. Shelby freezes at the sight of her old friend and soon enough Toni looks at what all the commotion down by the lake. 

For a moment Shelby thinks they have locked eyes. As if they are mere feet from each other rather the hundreds of feet of water that separates them. After a moment Toni spins round on her heel and returns to her parents. Shelby does the same and returns to the front of the house, hoping her friends will join her very soon. Any distraction right now would be a welcome one.

//

Shelby can still hear her brothers shouting when her friends pull up in Fatin’s very shiny Lexus LC 500 convertible. Fatin claimed her father insisted she take the cheaper of the family fleet on such a long journey to Lake Eden. Shelby knows just how lucky and rich her family are, but it’s nothing compared to the wealth of Fatin’s family. 

Before the engine has even shut off Rachel and Nora are climbing over the sides of the car to run at Shelby for a hug. They haven’t seen each other in two weeks but you would think it was a decade with the volume they’re screaming at as they run across the gravel. Fatin isn’t far behind and they jump around and hug each other. They’re all giggles and smiles when Fatin pushes for a house tour. 

Shelby would prefer to get the house tour done whilst her father is out. It’s not that he doesn’t like her friends, he just finds them loud and sometimes ill guided. He especially doesn’t care for Fatin’s occasionally vulgar choice of words. 

“Come on, you gorgeous bunch. I can’t wait to get in the water and scope out the hotties.” Shelby shakes her head and laughs because she isn’t sure where Fatin expects to find eligible men at a family resort. She can’t knock her for trying though.

“Oh, boy. I’ve really missed you guys! I’m so excited you’re all here!” Shelby helps her friends drag all of their bags into the house and up the stairs to their bedroom. Taking a moment to point in the general direction of the kitchen, the deck at the back of the house, the many bathrooms, and the games room. 

“You guys really do have that old south money hiding somewhere don’t you?” Nora and Rachel had spent the whole tour gobsmacked at the many amenities they could only dream of.

“I promise we don’t. Daddy just has a lot going on with his job, the church, and his support groups.”

“Whatever he’s doing is being done right. Do you think he would mind giving us some tips for the future?”

At that Shelby just laughs and opens the door to their bedroom. “I’m sorry you guys have to share, the boys insist on having a spare bedroom to keep their pool floats in.”

It’s one of the biggest bedrooms in the whole house. With a sofa, coffee table and entertainment system in one half of the room, and a double bed and an en suite in the other. The shining light of the room is the balcony along the south facing wall with a clear view of the lake and the mountains in the distance.

“Are you kidding? If you guys came on holiday with us we’d all be sharing a room a fifth of this size.” Rachel runs straight to the bed and bellyflops onto the sheets, calling dibs on the whole bed to herself.

“You have to at least share with me, Rachel.” Nora joins Rachel at the bed and puts her bag on the side she wants to sleep on.

“Well that decides where y’all are sleeping. Now, Fatin, the sofa doubles as a very comfy bed or you can share with me. The choice is yours?”

“Silly question, Shelby. You know I’m a cuddler.” Fatin grabs the handles of two of her three suitcases and pushes the third towards the hallway with her foot. “Lead the way.”

Shelby grabs Fatin’s third bag and leads her to the room just next door. It’s a similar size to the spare bedroom but decorated to Shelby’s preferred taste. Pillows, soft blankets and bean bags decorate the floor. Every spare counter is filled with plants, candles and photo frames. There’s a cross mounted over her bed, but it’s the only item in the room that isn’t white, or pink. 

“Wow, Shelby. Did the Pink Panther throw up in here?” Shelby dumps Fatin’s suitcase next to the rest on her less preferred side of the bed and Fatin throws herself down into a bean bag, sinkly dramatically into the pink furry cover.

“Don’t judge me OK. I decorated when I was 12. I’m trying to phase out the pre-teen tastes. Just be glad I thought to take down the princess curtain above my bed before y’all got here.”

“Of course you had a princess net. Come on gorgeous, I’m ready for a dip, at least before the sun goes down.” Fatin heads to the spare room to grab Nora and Rachel. It doesn’t seem that Rachel is taking much convincing, Nora is though.

Shelby looks out over the back deck, her brothers have calmed down and started playing tig, it doesn’t seem to be the best game for two people to play but they seem to be loving it.

Shelby also can’t seem to slow her heart rate down as she tries desperately to catch sight of a tightly wound brunette. She can’t see any of the Shalifoe’s on the other side of the lake. Feeling slightly defeated she heads to the spare room.

She finds Nora packing her book into her lakeside bag without Rachel and Fatin noticing. “You guys ready to head out? I can’t wait to show y’all around.”

//

“Who owns that mansion across the lake?” Martha hasn’t stopped asking questions since they arrived. Toni loves that she’s excited but she’s starting to feel like a walking pamphlet. 

Thankfully, her dad steps in for this one. “That would be the Goodkind’s. They’ve been here every summer since I can remember. We used to spend a lot of time with them when we were frequent visitors. Not that I would choose to, that Dave can be a little overbearing and stuck up sometimes.”

“Oh, Kit. That isn’t the reason you don’t like him. You’re just upset they win the Eden Cup every year.” Toni’s mom wraps her arms around her husband’s neck and kisses him on the cheek. 

“We’ve come so close so many times, Louise. I honestly think the man is a cheat.”

“Really, Kit. You think the lake’s resident pastor cheats in a family competition?” At that Martha starts laughing and the other girls join in. “Green doesn’t suit you, honey.”

Toni’s mom leaves then to see what the boys are up to outside. Her dad can’t help but huff as he leaves to make up some snacks for everyone.

Now that her parents have left, the girls all turn to each other in hushed whispers. Dot is the first one to speak. “OK, Toni. What’s the plan? How do we become best friends with the Goodkinds? I really want to jump on that water trampoline they have.”

“I don’t really know, guys. I haven’t spoken to them in years. It would be a bit strange to just show up on their doorstep, wouldn’t it?”

Martha gives her a quizzical look, followed by words she definitely didn’t want to hear. “But aren’t they the ones who have a daughter our age? I swear I remember you telling me about a girl you used to spend the summers with.”

Toni almost wants to kick herself for telling Martha everything, and forgetting Martha also remembers everything. How was she to know this would come back and bite her in the ass one day?

“I mean, yeah. But, again. Haven’t seen her, or spoken to her in years. Plus it isn’t like we were best friends. It just kind of made sense because her brothers are a similar age to mine.”

“Perfect!” Leah claps her hands together and stands up. “So we just ‘bump’ into them somewhere, get chatting and bang! We’re on a water trampoline and riding jet skis for a month.”

No, please no.

“Yes, Leah! That sounds perfect.” Dot joins her then and they both high five. “What do you think Martha?”

No.

“That sounds great to me. The perfect win win scenario.” Martha jumps up dramatically, grabbing Toni’s limp arms, swings them around and tries to pull her to her feet. Failing that she drops them back into Toni’s lap, joins her friends and high fives them both. “We gain a friend, your brothers gain some playmates.”

Why did this have to happen to her? It’s only day one.

“No. Seriously, guys. That’s just gunna come off like a little creepy and pushy do you not think?”

“Hey! We can be subtle if we want to be. Well, Dot and Leah definitely can be.” 

Dot eyes Toni and laughs. “What’s up, Shalifoe? Scared we’ll embarrass you?”

Definitely not. Terrified she’ll embarrass herself more like. 

“Yes.” At that they all laugh. 

“Bit late for that.” Dot grabs her backpack already stocked up with lakeside essentials and grabs Toni’s hand. “Come on. Might as well get a head start on ‘Operation Phoenix.’”

“‘Operation Phoenix’? Seriously, Dot. Why are you calling it that?” Leah looks slightly judgy and Martha just looks a bit confused like she’s missed something.

“What do you want me to call it? ‘Operation I Would Like To Bounce On Your Trampoline Please’?”

“Fair enough. Operation Phoenix it is. Let’s go.” Leah and Dot both head out the front door discussing the logistics of Operation Phoenix.

Toni, still slightly gobsmacked about how this whole situation had spiralled out of her control, looks up to see Martha staring at her with the same confused expression as before. 

“What’s up, Toni? This sounds like such a fun idea, and even better if it succeeds. I know you would love a go on a jet ski.” Toni thinks she definitely would. 

But, she can’t seem to stop the heavy feeling settling in her gut. The last time she saw Shelby Goodkind isn’t exactly a happy memory, and now she’s here and her friends are pushing for her to meet that memory head on. All she can remember is the look in the blonde’s eyes. A look that was burnt onto the back of her eyelids for months after.

Martha is still looking at her and Toni would hate nothing more than to get into this with her right now. She thinks it’s the only thing she has never told her best friend in her life. Martha would not be happy to find that out.

“Fine. You’ve convinced me. But the second I feel even a hint of embarrassment I’m pulling out.”

“Deal.”


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys are liking it so far, this chapter is out a lot sooner than I thought but the next won't be out for a few days.
> 
> It'll be worth it though I promise, enjoy.

To say Toni is relieved would be an understatement. They headed to the lake to try and spot Shelby as the large sandy area is very popular with all of the visitors.. There’s sunbeds, pool floats for hire and music blasting out of speakers scattered down the lakeside. Shelby was nowhere to be seen. Her friends pestered her for the first hour they were there whenever a blonde girl between the ages of 16 and 24 walked by. Earning a huffed “No.” everytime they did. 

Everytime she caught sight of blonde hair and tanned skin Toni’s heart rate would quicken followed by a flood of relief when she realised it wasn’t her. Eventually her friends gave up trying and enjoyed a couple of hours in and out of the water. Toni was slowly becoming more glad they made the trip out for the summer. If she could avoid the blonde like this for the whole month and enjoy sun, sand, and card games with her friends instead then she would be happy.

She was speaking far too soon, though, of course.

//

Shelby and her friends spent the last few hours of blazing hot sun lounging on the set of sunbeds on her deck just next to the lake. They made themselves a couple of rounds of cocktails from Fatin’s supply she packed in her case, a genius idea on her part as this would mean that Dave Goodkind would be none the wiser. They blasted music and chatted endlessly until the afternoon turned to evening and a chill was growing in the air.

Shelby’s father and step-mom returned to the house after they came inside and changed back out of their bikinis. After the round of pleasantries was over with, her father reminded her about the unofficial welcome party at the Eden center later that evening. Something Shelby had forgotten about in all the excitement of her friends arriving.

“You might want to go and get ready, girls. It starts in an hour and half and I don’t like to be late.” 

Shelby leads the way up the stairs and to their respective rooms to get ready. Shelby decides she’ll just go for a casual look. She’s looking through her wardrobe when music from Fatin’s speaker starts up and she turns it to a volume loud enough that they can dance to whilst they get ready, but quiet enough that they can still talk to each other.

After 10 minutes of singing along to the music whilst the girls rummage through their stuff to find an outfit each, Rachel and Nora join them, their arms filled with outfit choices and bags of makeup. 

“So, Shelby. Is there going to be any eligible men there tonight? I don’t think I can survive a month without at least some casual flirting, maybe a little more.” Fatin throws her a wink from across the room and Shelby laughs. 

“Gosh, Fatin. I don’t know. Guess it’ll just have to be a surprise. I’ve never really taken notice of the regular male visitors between 18 and 30.”

“How could you not? All those topless men and short swimming trunks.” All the girls laugh and Rachel nods her head in agreement.

“We all know I’m not the relationship type, but I wouldn’t mind a cheeky summer fling before a hard three years training for the olympics.” Nora snorts a laugh and playfully hits her sister’s arm. “What? A lady has needs!”

“Amen, sister!” Fatin and Rachel high five as they all burst into laughter. After an hour they’re all dressed in some pretty, but layered outfits, hair styled, and makeup applied. They decide to sit around and chat about Fatin’s favourite topic. Men.

“OK, I think we need to discuss the fact that I deserve first dibs on any men tonight.” Rachel scoffs and quickly disagrees.

“I would have to say otherwise. I’m about to spend the next three years in a pool with boys who wouldn’t look twice at me, thankfully. A relationship would only distract me. Surely I get first dbs. You’re about to be getting all the dick you want in San Fran.”

“OK, fine, you’re right. But I don’t think our tastes aren’t wildly similar anyway so I think we could probably play matchmaker for each other.”

“That’s a deal I could definitely get on board with. What about you Shelby? You looking for any hotties tonight? It’ll take your mind off Andrew. I know that’s why you’ve seemed a little distracted since we got here.” Ah, Rachel. If only you knew.

“Yeah.” Shelby’s mind flashes to Toni. She wonders if she’ll be there tonight. She hopes not. “I mean, no I won’t be scoping out any hotties tonight. Not with my father across the room.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s completely fair. Doesn’t mean there won’t be plenty of Dad free moments for you to have your time to shine with the lads. They’re drawn to you like a magnet usually.” Nora and Rachel nod their heads in agreement with Fatin.

“You know, I read about some young adult parties that they host here when I was looking up the facilities. That could be the perfect opportunity for you guys to meet some potential ‘hotties’ as you put it.”

“Yes, Nora! Ever helpful researcher of ours! I’m hoping to find the Quinn to my Nora. Or at least the ‘one night’ to my ‘stand’.” The girls burst out in laughter followed by a short rap at the door. It’s Shelby’s father. She prays he didn’t hear any of that.

“Are you girls ready to go?”

“Yes, Daddy. Coming now.”

//

A welcome party. With almost every family at the lake. How she wishes her parents weren’t so social. She could have done without the lake party, the lake’s pastor and his perfect family will inevitably be attending. 

“We really don’t have to go to the party. If you guys wanna stay back, watch films, eat pizza, and play UNO I’m certain my parents won’t mind at all.” Toni has no chance of convincing them not to attend this party, but it’s worth a try.

“Definitely not, Shalifoe. We’re going. Operation Phoenix has gained its first lead and we’re running with it.” Dot is filling her many pockets with what she calls ‘essentials’. They look like mini bottles of vodka to her, but who is she to judge?

“Don’t you see, Toni? This is perfect, you’ll spot her within minutes of us being there and then once we all know what she looks like, we can begin the stalk. Or maybe we’ll grow some balls and speak to her tonight.” Leah is applying lip gloss in the mirror and checking her hair before she raises an eyebrow in Dot’s direction. She doesn’t hear what they’re saying to each other but it looks like Leah is showing her how to optimise the pocket space to push more mini bottles in the pockets.

“Come on, Toni. At least seem like you’re excited about tonight. Even if this Shelby girl turns out to be a complete bimbo, there’ll be a buffet.” Martha sing songs the final part of the sentence and Toni can’t help but smile at her friends' attempt to cheer her up. “See, there’s that Shalifoe smile. Now come on, help me decide what to wear.”

//

When Toni and her friends arrive at the Lake centre which looks strangely like a big ski cabin, there are a lot of families eating, drinking and laughing taking up every seat inside and outside.

Toni had forgotten how popular Lake Eden was. Their small lakeside cabin makes it feel as if they’re one of only a few families at the lake sometimes. Her dad leads the group of nine through to the buffet area, hoping to find a table big enough for them all to enjoy some food and find some parents they know. 

Just as her dad has finished explaining the ‘science behind the perfect buffet plate’ a very loud pair of boys come sprinting up to them, crushing Jack and Billy into a hug. All four of the boys start shouting words at each other that no one can make out. Toni is pretty sure they must be happy to see each other, from what she can make out anyway.

“Oh, hi boys. What are you guys doing here?” Toni thinks that her dad has regretted asking that question the second he hears the all too familiar laugh of Dave Goodkind. 

“Don’t get too excited now, boys.” As if like little soldiers, Adam and Gabriel fall into line next to their father, but nothing can wipe the grin off their faces. “Kit Shalifoe. Haven’t seen you around here for a while.”

“We haven’t been here for a little while, Dave. But, we’re back now.” Toni hears the competitive tone return in her dad’s voice instantly. She can’t help but roll her eyes and shake her head. Her mom looks like she wants to do the same thing.

“Will you be competing this year? We sure have missed our runners up over the past few years.”

“Now now, boys. How about we save the cat fight until after the introductions are made.” Toni can’t believe that her social goddess of a mother managed to give birth to an introverted hot head such as herself. ‘Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met.” Louise reaches her hand to shake Tara’s.

“Hi, doll. I’m Tara, Dave’s wife.”

“I’m so sorry, honey. Of course. These are the Shalifoe’s, Kit and Louise. These are their children, Toni, Jack, Billy and Noah. I don’t believe I have met the rest.” Dave looks at the three girls observing the minor family war from behind Toni.

“Oh, they’re Toni’s friends, they’re on holiday with us this summer.” Tara beams at the four girls as if she just found some new best friends. Judging by her age, it wouldn’t be a stretch for them to hang out together. Toni really hopes it won’t come to that though. 

“Where’s Shelby this evening?” At hearing the other girls Toni tenses. Thankfully, no one notices.

“She’s around here somewhere. She also brought her friends with her this summer so I think she might try and avoid family time as much as possible.” Dave and Kit still seem to be staring each other down and Louise seems to notice.

“All right then kids. Ladies, why don’t you guys go and get some food and entertain yourselves. Boys, would you like to go and play with Adam and Gabriel?” As if hoping their mom would ask them that question, all of them, including Noah, burst out into a chorus of “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Only if that’s OK with you, Dave?” 

“Of course. Behave boys. You’re representing the Goodkind name out there.” Toni can practically feel her dad’s eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“Take care of Noah boys.”

Billy, possibly the most caring boy in the family, takes hold of Noah’s hand and follows the other boys out to the soft play and inflatables area fenced off just in view of the main seating area on the deck outside. 

Watching her younger brothers leave, Toni takes that as her queue to usher her friends outside towards the buffet area, leaving her poor mom and dad with Dave Goodkind. He isn’t the perfect pastor everyone believes him to be, but not many people know that. Toni had been in the house plenty of times, without him realising, when he would scream a little too loudly or say something slightly too cruel for her to believe he’s the perfect family man he wants the world to believe he is.

“Well, that was intense.” The girls nod in agreement with Leah and grab a plate each and fill it with some bits of food to pick at.

Toni suggests they find somewhere to sit and eat, maybe get some cards out and play some games to pass the time. “Hold on. Are you forgetting about Operation Phoenix, Toni?” 

No, but she really wished that her friends would. “Do we have to though? I’m so mentally exhausted from that second hand embarrassment in there.”

“Of course we have to!” Martha grabs her by the shoulders, hunching slightly to meet her eyes. “Jet skis. Eat the rich.” Toni huffs out a laugh and rolls her eyes. 

“Fine. I will scan all of the blondes at the party. If I don’t see her, then I don’t, OK?” Her friends nod in agreement and watch as she spins on her heel to look out among the many groups at the party. No sign of Shelby. Until she spots a very blonde, tan, beautiful girl sitting around one of the giant fire pits with three other girls. Oh no.

Toni pretends not to see her. Shelby hasn’t seen her either. She’s too busy chatting excitedly to her friends, using her hands dramatically to talk as she always did. Toni takes that as her chance. She doesn’t let the sight of her after three years stop her slowly spinning on her heel until she comes back around to face her three grinning best friends.

“Well?”

“No luck.”

“Really? And what about the group of four girls, of our age, one very clearly blonde, and rich. Sitting just over there, around the fire pit.”

Damn, Dot. Do you ever take a day off?

“Didn’t see her. Don’t think that’s her.” Toni looks over to her again to try and prove to her friends that it isn’t the same girl. Except this time Shelby is looking straight back at her. With an expression she assumes is mirrored on her own face. 

“Bullshit. She clearly knows you.” Her friends were never ones for subtlety, present in how they all stare out over Toni’s shoulders, joining in the strange staring contest that started.

Shelby ducks her head down to break the eye contact. “That’s her isn’t it. Wow, she’s so pretty.” Martha is grinning so wide Toni is scared she might pull a muscle. 

“Um, yeah. OK so we found her. Congrats. Now, cards?”

“We have to go and talk to her, Toni. I really have to ask her where she got that jumper from.” Martha starts heading in her direction. Toni grabs her arm and yanks her best friend back, she stumbles and laughs. “Don’t be so dramatic Toni. This is how you make friends you know. Do you need me to write some college tips down for you? I don’t think you’ll make it without me next year.”

“I know how to make friends!”

Leah links her arm in Toni’s, Dot repeats the action on Toni’s other arm and they practically carry her until she’s down the steps and onto the sandy lakeside. Shelby is sitting with her friends about 100 feet away on a log with her three friends around a firepit. Toni’s luck has left them a perfectly empty log that allows them to sit down with the blonde and her group of friends. It’s probably the only seat that isn’t taken up with a family at the party.

Of course.

//

As soon as Shelby spots Toni, her heart rate quickens and she feels herself go white. She really hoped that she would give the party a miss. She never was one for large crowds and fake happiness. She’s staring at the back of her head. Trying to pull her eyes away. But she can’t.

It’s been so long. So many nights laid awake trying to remember every detail of her face. With no photos to remember her by, Shelby tried so hard to picture her in perfect clarity. So many nights laid silently crying because she missed her and wanted nothing more than to call her. Write her a letter. Just check in. Say sorry.

She’s still staring when the brunette has turned on her heel and is looking her dead in the eye. Into her soul, where Shelby feels herself laid bare. The girls that Toni is with join her, looking over at her and smiling. 

Do they know?

One of Toni’s friends starts talking in a bright smiley way, so animated and glowing. She’s smiling and still looking at Shelby.

Shelby yanks her eyes from the group of girls and tries so hard to tune back into what Fatin is talking about. Something about her future career as a socialite, but Shelby can’t turn her thoughts toward anything else.

She told them. She really told someone after she begged her not to. Shelby can’t believe this is happening. She hopes to never see Toni again. She can’t risk it. Her father is here. Her friends would be OK with it, probably, but they’re gobby and loud. She can’t risk it.

Shelby risks looking up at the group standing tightly together on the wooden balcony far away. The same smiley animated girl is walking down the decking before Toni drags her back. 

Please don’t come down here. But, before God can answer her prayer. Her dirty, selfish prayer. The three girls are dragging Toni down the stairs of the decking, planting her on the sand. 

She pretends that she hasn’t seen them. Hopes that Fatin will be the first ones to address them and brush them off in the cruel way she sometimes does.

They’re definitely heading towards her and her friends. No, please no.

//

“Hey.” The girl with the infectious smile is the first to address Shelby. Almost Shelby directly. Too stunned to reply straight away Shelby stares at her, blinking a couple of times before she plasters on her good southern smile.

“Hi.” 

Fatin, Rachel and Nora have stopped talking and look up at the group of girls standing in front of them.

“Hi, can we help you guys?” Shelby really hopes that Fatin’s resting bitch face will scare them enough to send them away quickly.

“We just wondered if this seat was taken. Unless you need somewhere to put your bags?” Fatin smirks at the ballsy girl with the short hair and huffs out a laugh.

“The seat’s all yours. I’m sure if I need somewhere to keep my precious Prada from getting scuffed I could use one of your many, very deep, pockets.” The short haired girl laughs and takes a seat opposite Fatin.

“Good one.” She reaches her hand out, leaning to shake Fatin’s hand. “I’m Dot by the way. Not a lesbian. In case you were wondering about the cargo shorts.”

“I’m not so sure.” Fatin winks at Dot and laughs. “These lovely ladies beside me are Rachel, Nora and Shelby.”

“I’m Martha.” The still smiling girl takes a seat beside Dot and the other two girls follow suit. “This is Leah, and I believe some of you may already know Toni?”

Shelby’s friends all look a little confused and turn to look at her. “Oh, yeah, hi Toni. I haven’t seen you in a long while. How you doing?” Shelby may be panicking deep down but she knows how to paint on a smile and act everything is perfect in the world.

“Yeah I’m good.” Toni is quieter than she’s ever seen her and keeps to herself at the end of the log. Similar to what Shelby is doing. She wants nothing more than to drag the brunette somewhere quiet and shake some answers out of her. Ask her why she broke their promise to never tell anyone. Why she’s come back after all this time to ruin her life.

All of the girls seem to hit it off pretty quickly. Even Rachel is laughing at Martha’s story about her most embarrassing moment. Martha tells it in so few words that it makes the whole thing even funnier. Even Toni cracks a smile and huffs out a laugh.

Shelby is so grateful that even though Toni told her friends about that summer three years ago, none of them have brought it up or asked either of them suggestive questions to make them admit it themselves. 

Shelby is still on edge and Toni still seems to be within herself for the most part, but even Shelby has to admit they’re having fun. Maybe this summer won’t be too bad after all. If she can convince Toni to keep her friends quiet about everything so that her father doesn’t hear then she’ll be OK.

It seems like hours of talking and laughing before five little boys come to break up the party. 

“Toni! Dad says that we’re going home now.” Jack is holding Noah’s hand who is trying to hide a yawn behind his hand. 

“OK bud. Tell him I’ll be there soon.” Her three brothers turn around and head back inside to find their parents, practically carrying Noah up the steps to the deck.

“That’s our cue to leave then. It’s been nice chatting with you guys.” Toni stands up and packs the deck of cards into Martha’s bag, her friends slip their shoes back on and sees them shuffle awkwardly before Shelby responds.

“It’s been lovely talking to you girls. Maybe we could do it again sometime?” She hasn’t hated the company of these girls, even if they all do seem to be from completely different backgrounds. 

“Yeah it has been! Maybe we could meet up? Tomorrow? Do you guys have anything planned?” Martha is all smiles and good energy, even at this time of night.

Nora speaks up, confident and smiling. “Well, we were going to head to the young adult party that they host every year at the youth centre just a ways down from here. They have floats, non-alcoholic cocktails and music until 1am. Are you guys going?”

“I read about that in the pamphlet!” Shelby can definitely see Nora and Martha hitting it off. “We’re definitely going! We’ll see you guys there!”

With that the girls all turn and head back inside. Shelby breathes a quiet sigh of relief and joins in her friends very giddy and animated conversation about the new friends they just made. She feels like they’re all 13 and socially awkward again.

It hasn’t gone horribly so far. Maybe God is on her side.

//

“I didn’t know about the young adult night.” Toni is hoping for any excuse not to go. She doesn’t think that she can deal with a night of smiley southern drawl and nervous looks from the blonde for another night. 

“Of course you didn’t. Because you never read the pamphlets. It’s for anyone between the age of 16 and 21. They serve non-alcoholic cocktails, but I thought we could take Dot’s stash and make a real night of it.”

“Oh hell yeah! I’m well up for it. Can’t wait.”

The Shalifoe family with friends in tow head back to the cabin and practically pass out after a long first day and night on holiday. Toni wishes that she could pass out into a snore as quickly as Martha has beside her, but she’s laid wide awake staring at the ceiling. Wondering what the blonde across the lake is doing. 

Quietly hoping that she is doing the same thing.


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is up so much sooner than I thought. I just love writing this story so much.
> 
> Enjoy x

Toni drags herself out of bed in the mid morning after a night of restless sleep. Martha is snoring loudly next to her so she starts throwing pillows at her best friend until she startles herself awake.

“What? Where?” She yanks the mask from over her eyes and looks in Toni’s direction bleary eyed.

“Get up, lazy.” Martha’s head hits the pillow again and she groans in protest.

“Why? I’m on holiday.”

“You’re on an active holiday, with an active best friend.” Toni opens her suitcase to begin picking out an outfit.

“Just five more minutes, please.” Toni leaves Martha to it and starts getting ready. She can hear her parents and her brothers downstairs arguing about the best pancake topping and knocks on Dot and Leah’s door on her way back to her room.

Two minutes later Dot and Leah are sitting at the end of Toni’s bed next to Martha’s almost lifeless body chatting excitedly about the party tonight. It doesn’t take long for Martha to wake up and join in the conversation with mirrored excitement.

“I’m so proud of us making a whole new group of friends on day one.” Toni keeps herself busy whilst they talk amongst themselves about Shelby and her friends.

“I mean, the eight of us together is a crazy mismatch of people, but it could be one of those beautiful things that just works. Or we could end up actively avoiding them for the rest of the holiday. I’m excited to find out which it’ll turn out to be.”

“I’m certain we’ve made really good friends honestly.” Martha ever the optimist. “I still don’t understand why Toni barely spoke to Shelby though. It’s been so long since you last spoke to each other, I thought you would have so much to catch up on?”

Without even turning around to look at her friends she knows that all three of the girls have their attention trained on her. She doesn’t want to have this conversation at all, especially this early in the day.

Toni isn’t really sure what to say to stop her friends asking about Shelby for the next month. There probably isn’t anything she can say. They can all be quite persistent at times.

“It’s just…”

_August 19th 2017_

_Toni and Shelby have decided to spend their last week at Lake Eden finding the coolest hiding spot for them to use a den next year. They’re both surprised that they hadn’t thought of this idea sooner. However, this way, they could come back to Lake Eden next year stocked up on den supplies and spend the whole summer together._

_They hiked, as far as 15 year olds would be allowed, down the river that feeds into the lake before they came to a small opening. There was a small band stand with open sides, painted white and light blue sitting in the centre of the clearing. It was quiet, secret and perfect for their fort._

_“Wow, Toni! This is perfect! We could put blankets and pillows everywhere and cover up all of the holes with lots of umbrellas just in case it rains!” Shelby is grinning at Toni as she runs around the outside of the band stand, much too small for a full band._

_Toni does have to agree that it is perfect._

_“If only we could drag a mini fridge out here. Then it would be perfect.”_

_The girls sit beside each other and start discussing the logistics of the fort. Writing down a full list of what they’re going to need next year._

_“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to convince my parents that I need eight umbrellas without a truthful explanation.”_

_“OK, we’ll get four each. Four isn’t a skeptical number of umbrellas to go missing in a year.”_

_Toni finishes jotting down their respective supply lists and rips the sheet out of the pad Shelby brought along and hands Shelby her half._

_“There. It was a pleasure doing business with you, madam.”_

_“And you.” Shelby takes her half and smiles at Toni. She tucks the paper in her pocket and braces her hands on the bench she’s sitting on, swinging her legs and enjoys the sound of the river flowing next to them._

_“I don’t want this summer to end.” Shelby looks up at Toni who is looking out over the river ahead of them._

_“Me neither.” Shelby moves her little finger just enough that it brushes against Toni’s and pretends that she hasn’t noticed that she has done it. “I’m going to miss you. A whole year without your temper, I’m not sure I can do it.”_

_“Hey! I don’t have a ‘temper’, people are just too mean sometimes and they deserve a dead arm because of it.”_

_Shelby giggles before leaning her head on Toni’s shoulder as they settle into a comfortable silence together._

_Toni shifts quickly to turn and look at Shelby, so Shelby picks her head up from her shoulder and looks her in the eye. She’s all freckly from the summer in the sun and her hair is tied in a crazy ponytail, scattered hairs tickling at her neck. She’s wearing a grin so big Shelby thinks that her cheeks must be hurting. She’s beautiful._

_“You know…” Before Shelby can think, she leans forward and presses her lips against Toni’s. For a moment she starts to pull away as it doesn’t seem like Toni is into it. But before she can Toni places her hand behind her neck and pulls her against her. Toni’s hands shift to hold onto her waist and Shelby places her hand on Toni’s face._

_A million thoughts fly through Shelby’s brain, all at once. How she wishes she had been doing this all summer, not truly understanding how she had spent this long not kissing her. She doesn’t want the moment to end, she wants to stay in their perfect little bubble forever and never leave. But, it doesn’t take long for very real thought to creep forward to the front of her mind._

_Her dad, the church, the shame. The look on her father’s face if he ever found out. The thought terrifies her and she pulls away quickly. Knowing she’s made the right decision in stopping whatever just happened, but heartbroken at the confused look on Toni’s face._

_Shelby thinks that her face must look very scary to look at. She’s certain that she isn’t doing a very good job of masking the fear._

_“Don’t.” Shelby whispers it, isn’t sure that Toni would even hear her if it weren’t for the very heavy silence that’s fallen over them._

_“Don’t what?”_

_“Don’t tell. Please. Please don’t tell anyone.”_

_Toni takes hold of Shelby’s hands, tries to ground her. Tries to make her look in her eyes._

_“Shelby. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. I promise.” As much as Shelby wants to stay and carry on holding her hands. She can’t. She needs to distance herself from the moment as quickly as possible._

_So that’s what she does. She runs._

_She runs at full force, flying through the trees in the direction of her parent’s lakehouse and doesn’t stop for even a moment to look back._

_Toni doesn’t chase her. She worries that it might do more bad than good. She certainly wouldn’t want to explain to Dave Goodkind why she is chasing his daughter through the woods._

_For the last week of the summer, Toni doesn’t hear a word from Shelby. She doesn’t dare try to talk to her either. She figures if the girl was terrified enough to run away from her, she would be even more terrified to have her show up on her doorstep._

_Her parents question it, but only at first. Toni gives them some huffed excuse that Shelby is too busy and they drop it. Before long her family are packing up the car and heading home. Toni takes one last look at the big house across the lake, not knowing that this is the last time she will see it for a long time._

“It’s just awkward OK. It’s not like we were ever besties or anything.”

“Well I should hope not. I’m your bestest best friend. No blonde can take that top spot.” Toni laughs at Martha and joins them all on the bed.

“Can we all get dressed and head out soon? I want to spend as many hours as humanly possible in the water today.” Dot and Toni both nod in agreement with Leah, already dressed and ready to go, perched on the end of the bed. They all turn their attention to Martha, still in her pyjamas, under the covers.

“God, fine. I’m getting ready now.” Toni, Leah and Dot all head downstairs to get started on their pancakes and make sure to prepare three to go, for Martha to enjoy lakeside.

“Morning ladies. Good news, we have been invited to enjoy the company of the very humble Goodkind household across the lake. So, we are heading over after breakfast.” Perfect. Literally a full day in Shelby’s very awkward company. She would rather do anything else.

“Do we all have to go?” Leah and Dot both elbow Toni from either side of her, shutting her up.

“That would be lovely, Kit. Martha will be ready shortly and then we can all head over. Thank you so much for breakfast again.” Toni counts to ten and tries to resist the urge to slam her knife and fork down and storm outside hoping no one will ever find her. A day alone would be bliss right now, and it’s only day two.

“Yes of course, father. Lovely.” Toni rolls her eyes and storms over to the sofa. She won’t get out of visiting the Goodkind’s but she will sit and sulk about it.

//

Shelby spends a large part of the morning soaking up the sun. The July heat had arrived in force and Shelby didn’t want to waste a moment. Fatin joined her on the sunbeds, blasting music and scrolling through her phone whilst Nora read a book in the shade and Rachel did laps in the lake just in front of them.

Their personalities were really shining through, she wouldn’t change any of her friends for the world. Although, she does often wonder how they all get along so well. Before they know it 11am has rolled around and Fatin is already talking about her potential outfit choices for the party later that night.

“Ladies, the Shalifoe’s are heading round shortly. I hope you will be accommodating to our guests.” Shelby’s father disappears back into the house as quickly as he appeared.

“I didn’t think we’d see them all again until tonight. I don’t mind though, gives me a chance to resume the college vs. not college debate with Dot.”

“It’s probably Daddy’s transparent attempt to show off his massive house. I don’t even think the girls will bother coming.”

As if by magic she hears the welcome party inside the house greeting the Shalifoes. She doesn’t see any sign of the girls until Dot comes through the sliding doors of the back patio.

“Wow, this shit is crazy.” Her arms are wrapped around a cooler and Martha follows with a backpack in tow.

“Hi, guys.” Martha heads down the stairs of the deck and wraps Shelby into a hug. “Thanks so much for having us.” Shelby stands up from her place on the sun bed, acutely aware that she’s wearing a bikini top and a pair of very short shorts.

“Oh. No problem, sweetie. Make yourselves at home. We have drinks in the fridge inside and plenty of sunbeds for you to use. Please feel free.”

Martha and Dot both claim a spot in the sun and start pointing out all of the cool stuff the Goodkind’s have scattered on and around the lake.

Leah and Toni have followed their friends outside and both claim a sunbed as well. Shelby can’t help but notice that Toni has picked one far away from her own, but thinks better than to mention it.

Leah is quick to strip down to her swimsuit and join Rachel in the water. Before long they’ve started racing each other and Shelby is surprised by how much of a challenge Leah poses to Rachel. Rachel still wins though, of course.

Before long the two groups have naturally split off into pairs. Fatin and Dot are quickly debating with each other as promised but spend a lot of the debate laughing which is a really good sign. Rachel and Leah have started to compete in every possible way they can within the water when they eventually tired of swim races. Nora and Martha seem to be discussing their courses at university and what they hope to be doing in the future.

Leaving Shelby on her own, as Toni stares out over the lake, seemingly ignoring everyone. Better opportunity than ever to talk to her without prying eyes and ears.

Shelby heads over to Toni, pasting on her signature smile and sitting down on the sunbed beside hers. Toni seems startled by her and shifts away almost falling off her seat.

“Hi, long time no see.”

“Yeah. Hi.”

This seems like it’ll be a pretty one sided conversation.

“How come you guys haven’t been here in awhile?”

“You know. Busy. Jobs, school, lives. Wasn’t really in any rush to get back.” Toni almost feels like a complete bitch for being cruel to Shelby, but it isn’t entirely without reason.

“Oh. Well, I know my brothers have definitely missed having you guys around. I did, as well. The summer’s have been considerably more boring since.”

Shelby wants to talk about it, ask her why she had to tell someone. Ask her if she’s angry, after all this time. Ask her if she’s going to do anything to fuck up her life or not. But, she fears bringing it up would cause more harm than good. Maybe they can go the whole summer acting like they’ve both completely forgot that anything ever happened.

“You missed me? Really? I do find that hard to believe, Shelby.” So she is still upset, that’s understandable, but makes talking about it just that little bit harder for Shelby.

“Look I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean to ignore you for as long as I did. I kind of just hoped that I would see the year after and we could start from scratch. But then you guys never came back.” Toni is looking at her now. Her face is set and her brow is slightly furrowed as she watches Shelby try to explain herself.

“Well it’s nice to hear that you’re sorry three years too late. Honestly Shelby, just leave me alone. I’m happy to act civil towards each other for the sake of our friends and this holiday, but the less we interact the better it’ll be for both of us.”

“OK. That’s fine. But I just want to ask you one thing before we go back to mere acquaintances.”

“Fine.”

“Why did you tell your friends about our kiss? You promised you wouldn’t.” Shelby is leant close to her now and talking in a very hushed whisper. Toni thinks that the blonde probably doesn’t want God eavesdropping.

“I didn’t.” Shelby seems genuinely surprised by Toni’s response and Toni can’t figure out why.

“But. Last night, they were all pointing at me and smiling and dragging you over. I thought maybe you had told them. My friends always act like that with me.”

“Well I didn’t, OK. You told me not to, and I never did. They were acting like that because they know you own the big water trampoline.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Maybe have a little more faith in me next time.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just...my dad.”

“I know, Shelby. I know all about Dave Goodkind. But don’t worry. I won’t be telling him or anyone else about your shame any time soon.”

“OK. Thank you.” Toni shakes her head because she almost expected Shelby to object to Toni referring to the kiss as her shame. But, clearly it is. Toni stands and takes off her t-shirt and shorts, leaving them beside her shoes and stretching her arms over her head.

“Yeah, whatever. I’m going for a swim. Don’t worry about me from now on, princess. Your only enemy here is you.”

Shelby is beyond relieved that no one knows about their kiss but can’t help but feel really bad for not trusting Toni. Shelby knows that she’s only this overbearing over the whole thing because she’s terrified that her dad will find out and send her away somewhere, or worse.

Not long after her bombed conversation with Toni, her step-mom hosts a dinner on the big tables outside for them and their guests. Everyone is really happy with their food and seem to be getting along really well.

Everyone spends the rest of the afternoon in and out of the water and get to know each other even better. Toni thinks this could be a really happy summer with her best friends and the group of admittedly fun girls across the lake. Even if she will be actively avoiding Shelby as much as possible.

Before long it’s the mid afternoon and her father is dragging her brothers away from the jet skis back home. Toni and her friends aren’t far behind, promising to see everyone at the lake party in just a few hours. They spent the last hour discussing their outfit choices for the party so that they were all on the same leaf about dress code.

Martha and Leah couldn’t wait to get home and pick out their outfits, Toni and Dot were far more excited about their pre drinks and party games they had planned. There’s always something for everyone when it comes to partying.

Toni can’t help but think back to her conversation with Shelby. Part of her wishes she’d been a little kinder, tries to imagine what it would be like to not have an accepting family on her side. But then the other half of her, the angrier, more dominant side of her is more than happy with how it went. And even happier to never say an overly kind word to the blonde ever again.

The lake party is about to be very eventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys thought!! I'm so excited about this chapter and the next!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments or leave a kudos to let me know you're excited for more.
> 
> Keep an eye on this space, I'm hoping to update soon and we'll have some real face to face interaction in that next one.
> 
> Stay safe out there.


End file.
